The Horus Cat Interview

Insert Polish Joke Here

"Insert," get it?

http://www.thenews.pl/national/artykul132388_game-in-secondary-school-gets-five-pregnant.html

 

Q: Why don't they teach sex education in Poland?
A: Because they want all their teenage girls to get randomly pregnant!

No, it's not funny, but it certainly is a joke.

And America is just as stipid with Bush's "Abstinence-Only Sex Education," which is an oxymoron.

 

We live in the dark ages. And we did this to ourselves.

"You're still fucking peasants as far as I can see." ~~John Lennon

Andy Kaufman FAKES HIS OWN MARRIAGE!

See attached, which I lifted from the Andy Kaufman facebook page. The NICE Andy's facebook page I mean, not the cranky bitter one. It was an awesome episode of Fridays. Andy announced he had found God and was going to marry this Christian lady. He brought her out and they kissed. They sang gospel songs and utterly bored/confused the audience for the entire hour. At one point he was about to introduce The Pretenders but when the audience misbehaved, he made them pull the curtain back and wouldn't let the Pretenders sing-- you can see them cracking up behind him-- the only time I ever saw any of the Pretenders laughing. He lectured the audience that drugs are bad-- it was completely unfunny-- SO FUNNY. Also so ironic that two of the Pretenders later died from drugs.

Ever since I had my heart broken earlier this year, I've wished I could have a woman make an honest man out of me and rescue me from all the teenage girls constantly stalking and obsessing over me. But it takes an honest woman to make an honest man! Hmmm, that sounds like the title of a lost DEVO song... Until then, it's fake marriages and real stalkers for me I suppose. But I do wish I could "settle down" and have some sort of a family before I die. Or fake my death. Whichever comes first.

Phone call from my internet stalker

The hater wrote me on facebook so I blocked my facebook. So today they've been emailing me and now I got this phone call:
http://peterbernard.com/hatercall52510.mp3

If this continues I will be going to the authorities. This girl sounds deranged and possibly underage.

209 Show News!

New 209 Show news is here: http://209show.blogspot.com/2010/05/209-show-news-for-5242010.html

Open Letter to My Stalker ...

. . . 

Tony Cliftton Front-Paged on Funny or Die!!!!

Click to enlarge, that's my Tony clip on the lower left there under USER PICKS! The users of Funny or Die are much cooler than on most other video sites. Here's a direct link to the Tony video but BE WARNED-- not only is this video unfit for children, it's unfit for anyone with any decency whatsoever: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5b01d63741/tony-clifton-pedophile-jokes

HAPPY SNEVIL DAY!

Today is GREY CAT DAY, the holiest day on the Snevilist calendar. Celebrate with loved ones! The wife and I are celebrating by going to the TOUCH A TRUCK STREET FESTIVAL on 64th Street between Broadway and Central Park West. You're invited!

Lisa Marie

The professional photos aren't back yet, here's a shot from Lisa's laptop. We were inspired and moved by Lynne Margulies' decision to get married in Ireland. Sorry we didn't invite you guys, Lisa and I are so private. Lynne has emailed me her approval, which for us counts practically as much as a blessing.

Babies are so cute

Click to enlarge.

Oh how I hated 1998. Until 1999 started.

Brat Girl

Click to enlarge
I always liked Brat Girl but I never really figured out what to do with her. She's really happy when she's tripping, but cranky most of the rest of the time.

Conspiracy Theorists

Click the pic to read it.

From March 2000

Click to enlarge

Looks like a Lisa Peters trading card! Text that info to that number if you want Lisa to be spokesmodel for Planet Beach in Ireland and get her own spa or something. She looks so TANNED in that photo, probably good for a beach-oriented gig. GOOD LUCK LISA!

A-Rod part 2

Bad blurry shot of the crowd outside watching A-Rod eat lunch inside yesterday. It was a crazy scene, with a live mariachi band and so forth. I only went outside to check it at the end because I had been busy talking to Lisa online. I mean, YES there was a riot outside but I was talking to Lisa!!! One needs to have priorities in life. Anyway, by the time I got the camera to re-focus, A-Rod had been chauffeured away.

He ate there last year and then hit a home run that night. So it was no surprise as I came home last night around 11 that people were streaming out of my building and running screaming toward the restaurant. I knew that A-Rod had hit a home run, haha. I went upstairs and sure enough, the tv was replaying the home run. The TV my roommate had left unattended as he ran downstairs to "The A-Rod restaurant" to celebrate.

New from The Moon!

Two colorings

 The blonde is probably better but the brunette looks more like the original model, according to the historical records left over from back then.

World's Happiest Imbecile!!!

My old web host for peterbernard.com went out of business without telling anyone, so now I'm in the process of putting it back up on my other web host. I'm going through all these old versions of the site and finding some old comics that REALLY suck and some, like this one above, that I thought only MOSTLY sucked! That one is from 2002, but it's very in the "Comical Funnies" spirit from long ago (other than the 2002 coloring)..

Mind Control Boy

I sketched this idea one day in the forest and today I was "inking" it with the wacom tablet. I showed it to Lisa-- it's an idea I like but I have no idea what to do with it or what audience it would be for. It's a kid with absolute mind control powers but only over adults. And SOME kids-- the ones who have sold out already and may as well be adults. Lisa surprised me by saying she liked it. I asked her, "What do you see this as?"

 She said she saw it as a "kids programme" (I love her European spelling) -- kind of like Sabrina the Teenage Witch! "Also it could be a bit deeper than that and reveal how the human mind works!!!"

And I thought... I thought... hey! That's actually a pretty good idea for a pitch probably, isn't it? I'd watch that show! haha wait I'm not the target demo.

Maybe Lisa should be my manager!

I Will Not Heed Your Warning

Magicietta's skull warns the bad woman.

Horus Cat Trump Hallway Horror!

Crew from Giant Cannibal Girl

Click to enlarge.

Checka Phil!!

209 Show News

To see
this mailer on the web, go to: http://209show.com/209show/50310.html

FRANK WOOD as a TEENAGER
Find out what trouble Frank was getting into before he was even an adult!
FRANK WOOD vs. the JESUITS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DV1N39-qurQ
Or watch the ENTIRE Frank Wood interview so far from the beginning in order
HERE:
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=131A7A776F53F91A
PLEASE DON'T TRY THESE TRICKS AT HOME!
Frank is an expert-- you would get caught if you tried this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
... but here are some tricks you CAN try at home!

Hula Hoop Tricks from
The Moon is a DISCO BALL!

You can see the hoop tricks somewhere in the middle of our awesome and comprehensive
new INTERVIEW with The Moon is a Disco Ball!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBwR5oExnhc

This is one of the most fun videos I've ever been a part of, TMIADB are amazing
in it-- so funny!
Their debut album just came out and you can download it for FREE here:
http://glwmbl.com/releases/006.html
4 out of 5 conspiracy theorists love The Moon is a Disco Ball!
Frank
Edward Nora proclaims, "That was really incredibly
good."
They have genuine charisma and I can't wait to meet them when
THE MOON IS A DISCO BALL
come to New York City
FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER
on Sunday night, June 27th, later this summer!
Frank Wood
is throwing a special
209 Show/Giant Cannibal Girl Birthday
Party
and some awesome people have already signed up to perform!
I started working on the flyer for it (below):

That's Jason Trachtenburg
on the left there, his new band The
Pendulum Swings is playing the party!
And poor Angel Yau on the right above seems to have lost her
mind with fear from being in the clutches of our
Giant Cannibal
Girl from Outer Space!

I'm still not done with the poster because Dino Sorbello won't tell me which of his bands will be performing that night!
Dino is a gentle hippie!

Also booked to play that night is MICHELE CARLO (above, in candid paparazzi shot))
who has a new book coming out in August from Citadel Press!


Plus you never know WHO is going to show up at a 209 Show party!
(Although you can bet all your money Lady Gaga will NOT show).
More soon as we get closer to this event, and for more info on Frank's other
shows, go to:
http://mrfwood.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://209show.com
http://angelyau.com
http://myspace.com/themoonisadiscoball
http://209show.com/tmiadb