Thursday, October 13, 2011

Lucy de Leche

I don't think people really appreciate how talented, honest, and valuable Lucy deLeche is. There's none of this "Those American Girls" stuff that could have happened without her.

It's not just that she's great at being Alicia American, it's that in real life, she's the opposite of Alicia. Whereas Alicia is based on the women who have actually been in my life, personally torturing me and making me want to die while all my friends and family would side with them in every fight, Lucy is the one person who has always had my back. She's one of the few genuine friends I've ever had and I'll always be loyal to her.
Because of Lucy, I can see who is a true friend and who isn't. Because of Lucy, I can get projects finished on time even though my "friends are distracting me and creating false drama and plagiarizing me then smirking at me in unison each time. No matter what they do, as long as Lucy is on my team, we'll keep moving to the next town and doing our show and gaining 1 or 2 new genuine fans per day.

I don't see life the way sees it. I see it in terms of gathering enough of a small fan base who actually gets what you're doing that you can earn a living at what you love and never have to care about what your "klout score" is ever again. I see the point of life as being able to create a niche for oneself so that one can do one's work, be proud of it and know it's good, and have enough food to eat and enough money for rent. If an artist can do that, his or her work will be remembered and will continue to influence long after he or she is gone.

For those of us drawn to working in media like film or video or music or animation, it's often impossible to do the entire project ourselves. If you're someone like that, you're probably not going to get more than one Lucy deLeche to work or play with per lifetime. When she comes along, you better recognize her.

And the same goes for if a Peter Bernard comes into your life haha.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Those American Girls

It only occurred to me recently that some people might have thought I fell off the face of the planet.
I'm just extremely busy lately.
Our cartoon project, Those American Girls, has 25 thousand followers on Twitter
and it's led to more work than Lucy and I can handle so far,
although we're certainly not complaining.
The characters, who are running for President(s), sell the project themselves,
and you can interact with Alicia & Deb on Twitter here:
Buy their first album here:
See their latest music video here:

& get regular daily (usually) updates from Debbie American here:
If you follow either the Twitter or Debbie's blog,
you'll be up to date on what used to be stuck on this blog.
Only it'll be written by the girls, so you'll like it far better.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Whale Song: Review of the new Claire Kiechel play

Whale Song or: Learning to Live With Mobyphobia
a New Play by Claire Kiechel
Directed by Brad Raimondo

The Dreamscape Theatre
Annual FringeNYC Festival

“Belief in a future Heaven creates a present Hell.”
~Eckhart Tolle

Is insanity hereditary? If your father was crazy, what does that make you? Are synchronicities really omens and portents, or is your paying attention to them a signal that you are schizophrenic?

Now here's an even bigger question-- how do you take those dark questions and turn them into a really funny play? Only Claire Kiechel could answer that last one, and she answers it in brilliant but wiseass fashion with this new play, “Whale Song.” Here is a writer of serious drama that could have been scripting for the Marx Brothers if she lived in the 1930s (I can DEFINITELY picture her at the Algonquin Round Table).

A writer is only as funny as her performers, and this play is cast extremely well. Each actor has an approach and delivery that maximize the humor while taking nothing away from any sadness or drama; it's a talented cast.

Hollis Witherspoon stars as Maya Swan, a schoolteacher grieving over her father, whose bizarre death- suicide by whale- haunts and humiliates her. The stress of wondering about her own sanity leads to increasingly stressed-out behavior and she begins to hear whale song wherever she goes. At the same time, a different whale shows up in the Hudson River, and Maya becomes convinced all these things are related. Is this her father talking to her? Or some great message just for her?

Maya's devoted boyfriend Mark (played charismatically by Ryan Feyk) can't understand why she won't see him or return his calls any longer. This guy tries so hard to please her that I'm betting half the women in the audience were thinking if she doesn't want him, they'd take him. Feyk plays the boyfriend so charmingly that even while you're laughing at the jokes, you're feeling really badly for him.

But Maya doesn't want the life of TV-watching and frozen food dinners that Mark represents and so “accidentally” falls in with the sincere rocker dude “Shep The Motherfucking Drummer” (played innocently by Jordan Douglas Smith). Maybe Shep is on drugs or crazy too, because he hears the whale song as well... and if you want to know the rest of the story, get a ticket today! Cuz I shall go no further in the spoiler department.

All of the main characters are both very funny and fully-formed, which is not the easiest thing to pull off, trust me. One of my favorites in the play, though, was this deliberately 2-dimensional hot chick TV newsbabe played by Rosie Sowa. Each time she clomps on stage in her mega-heels, you know the next scene is going to be funny. She reminded me of Alicia American (from me, that's a compliment).

Siri Hellerman as Maya's preppy sister Sarah has no doubt at all about her sanity or anything else for that matter, any smugness genes in the family went to her. Hellerman plays it realistically, which works perfectly for this character in this story. Maya's world is cartoon-like as she doubts her sanity, but her sister Sarah lives in the real world, understands money, handles the family business. Their dead father is played by Gavin Starr Kendall in a light fashion (considering he's dead, at least).

In the interest of disclosure, I should state that Ms. Kiechel actually helped me a bit in an uncredited fashion when I was first forming my “Those American Girls” concept. She grew up in Europe and so had a perspective on what people from other places really think of Americans, and she helped me condense my thoughts on that project, for which I'm very grateful. Because I'm biased toward liking what she does, I brought Checker Phil of the Checkerboard Kids television program with me to provide a second opinion. We left the theatre comparing the play to a good meal and wondering what vegetarians say instead of “meaty.” This play is meaty and satisfying but doesn't leave you too full or groggy, haha. Tickets are under $20 and there are only three performances left, so if you want to see something exciting and new that will leave you with a lot to think about AND teach you several new vocabulary words, go see “Whale Song.”

WHALE SONG or: Learning to Live With Mobyphobia
a new play by Claire Kiechel
directed by Brad Raimondo
Three performances left:
Mon, 8/22 at 6pm
Wed, 8/24 at 7pm
Sat, 8/27 at 9:30pm
For Tickets:
or 866-468-7619

This is part of the FringeNYC Festival and sometimes shows sell out in advance, so reserve your tickets today.
The First Floor Theatre at LaMaMa
74A East 4th Street, NYC

P.S. REAL theatre critics like this play, too! The NY Theatre Review called it, "...surreal and cleverly absurd."

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Monday, July 4, 2011

Alicia's Sexy New Patriotic Song!!

It's the 4th of July!
But perhaps more importantly,
it's Alicia American's 21st birthday!
So she and Deb have a new PATRIOTIC SONG
for you to download for FREE!
For those who heard the earlier version of this track,
this new one has TWICE the orgasm parts!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Alicia & Deb in Search of SKUNK APE!

Alicia got drunk before starting to record this episode,
then passed out 45 seconds into the show,
leaving poor brainless Debbie to fend for herself
among the dreaded SKUNK APES of Florida!
Listen now for free:

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Thursday, May 26, 2011

New single from Those American Girls w/Brigitte Doran

To celebrate their first ten thousand followers on the Twitter
Those American Girls
have released a new dance single they made in collaboration with
up-and-coming Australian soul singer
Brigittte Doran!
Download it 4 Free 2day here:

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Wiping the slime off

Join Alicia and Debbie American in their bubble bath
and help them chillax after a week of Hollywood-style


New free podcast starring Alicia and Debbie here:

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Is it ever wrong to have sex with everyone?

Alicia's new podcast looks into the life of a young woman
trying to make it in the music industry.

At least that's one way of describing it!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Behind the scenes at Alicia American dot com

ABOVE: Alicia and her engineer/acting coach Lucy DeLeche
in their high-priced recording studio
communicate with some third party in New York via Skype.

Get Off Yer PANTS and DANCE!!

Click above image to enlarge

now have 4 thousand followers on Twitter,
so to smellebrate, they've released their new single,
today at their blog,!

It features theremin by DINO SORBELLO!

Thursday, March 31, 2011

SEX and DRUGS with Those American Girls

It's Debbie American's birthday (tomorrow)
plus Those American Girls
just got their 3,000th follower on Twitter,
so they've got TWO (2) new audio releases today:
Americast 17:
on a

and their shocking new hit single,
Listen or download for free here:


Trust me, folks, she'll be 21 or 22 forever--
none of that "Gasoline Alley" bullsh*t going on over here.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Those American Girls First 1000 Twitter Followers

To celebrate their first thousand followers on Twitter, Those American Girls have released a special Twitter-only mix of their next single, "IM SO HOT (Positive Affirmations Song)."!/ThoseUSAGirls

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Debbie's Maui Wowie

New "Those American Girls" Americast audio download online at


I seem to view the world largely in terms of archetypes, and have done so since I was a kid.
I never remembered people's names very well, either in real life or in movies or TV shows.
In film school, I had one teacher whose tests consisted of asking if you remembered the name of the maid in the throwaway scene or if you remembered the favorite shoe of the incidental character in the other film.
I fumed that it wasn't a test so much as a trivia quiz.
Eckhart Tolle, in one of his many lectures available in audio format,
insists that he can't remember names but it doesn't imply any disrespect for the reality of the person behind the name. The audience laughed when he said this, they weren't buying it.
That was his excuse, and this one is mine: archetypes.
I don't expect you to buy it any more than Tolle's audience did, but I may as well finish explaining the theory.

On a recent project, I'd been fleshing out into a full treatment a one page idea written by one of the producers. She had the wives of the main characters doing things, I began separating them into individuals with the help of the original author. By the end, we had specific ideas about their personalities and looks, but we still were referring to them as "Mrs. This" and "Mrs. That." Neither of us felt the need to name them other than in terms of their relationship to the main character, however, we had given them all back story and motivation so that they could each write their own lines practically in any situation we put them in.

In this new long-form fiction thing I'm working on, the main character is a mix of two historical figures, several fictional characters, and myself. His supernatural girlfriend is DEFINITELY based on one of my own personal supernatural ex-girlfriends, and the woman he wishes he could be with instead is based on two actual women who were unrequited loves of two of the historical figures. So for now, while writing, they all have names which remind me of who they are based on, so I keep them in character throughout. Dumb names, the kind Joyce would use-- haha just kidding.

OK time to make the podcast, speaking of archetypal figures.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

A Mighty Wind

Last night it was 63 degrees out when I was walking to Jon Montgomery's debut performance of his new all-star supergroup The New York Blues Project. Such a beautiful night, hard not to be in a good mood. The packed, friendly, excited house loved what they heard, and chanted when it was over for the star drummer Bleu Ocean (who used to be the live drummer playing behind the Monkees back in their original tours, among other cool career credits). Jon is a living legend and he associates with others of the same ilk. They're already talking about playing Europe and so forth, it feels like an exciting start.

Walking home from the cool old 60's style club on 78th Street across from the Museum, the weather had gotten a bit colder, but MUCH windier. All these pretty women out in stilt heels and flouncy dresses, all walking backwards against the wind, trying in vain to hold their skirts down against the extreme gusts. Life is free entertainment if you just look all around you.

Today, I was walking to Trump to see Horus cat and the wind was so strong, it almost knocked me backwards off the stairs as I approached the building! I saw a guy accidentally get tangled in a woman's dog leash! The wind was more extreme than I've ever seen it in New York, which is saying something.

I am excited this weekend to be working on co-creating female characters with a woman with an international reputation in animation. I'm doing a lot of writing and drawing as well as playing with Horus and brushing him. It's a very busy time but I feel extremely grateful to literally have too many things to do in the time allotted. Which reminds me, I'd better get back to it.

Hmm, no illustrations for this blog entry, that's odd for me. But maybe it's appropriate that a blog post about wind should be filled with nothing but my hot air.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

How to Be the Hottest Chick

Alicia American here!
Our new podcast is up at!
Oh my god vote for me (the redhead) to be your Valentine here:
or vote for Debbie (the blonde one) here:
But why you would vote for Deb I do not know. Love ya, Deb!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Debbie's Weed Vacation!!

Of course, we would NEVER advocate the use of any illegal herbs or chemicals.
Written by Peter Bernard, performed by Rachel Cleary.

See Rachel Cleary tomorrow night (January 21, 2011) on TLC’s “FOUR WEDDINGS.”

Keep watching to see if Rachel and her voice actor partner Lloyd Floyd win!
Open music by Belly Brain, background music by Robin Hood and his Black Brothers
Copyright ©MMXI Peter Bernard