The Horus Cat Interview

Insert Polish Joke Here

"Insert," get it?

http://www.thenews.pl/national/artykul132388_game-in-secondary-school-gets-five-pregnant.html

 

Q: Why don't they teach sex education in Poland?
A: Because they want all their teenage girls to get randomly pregnant!

No, it's not funny, but it certainly is a joke.

And America is just as stipid with Bush's "Abstinence-Only Sex Education," which is an oxymoron.

 

We live in the dark ages. And we did this to ourselves.

"You're still fucking peasants as far as I can see." ~~John Lennon

Andy Kaufman FAKES HIS OWN MARRIAGE!

See attached, which I lifted from the Andy Kaufman facebook page. The NICE Andy's facebook page I mean, not the cranky bitter one. It was an awesome episode of Fridays. Andy announced he had found God and was going to marry this Christian lady. He brought her out and they kissed. They sang gospel songs and utterly bored/confused the audience for the entire hour. At one point he was about to introduce The Pretenders but when the audience misbehaved, he made them pull the curtain back and wouldn't let the Pretenders sing-- you can see them cracking up behind him-- the only time I ever saw any of the Pretenders laughing. He lectured the audience that drugs are bad-- it was completely unfunny-- SO FUNNY. Also so ironic that two of the Pretenders later died from drugs.

Ever since I had my heart broken earlier this year, I've wished I could have a woman make an honest man out of me and rescue me from all the teenage girls constantly stalking and obsessing over me. But it takes an honest woman to make an honest man! Hmmm, that sounds like the title of a lost DEVO song... Until then, it's fake marriages and real stalkers for me I suppose. But I do wish I could "settle down" and have some sort of a family before I die. Or fake my death. Whichever comes first.

Phone call from my internet stalker

The hater wrote me on facebook so I blocked my facebook. So today they've been emailing me and now I got this phone call:
http://peterbernard.com/hatercall52510.mp3

If this continues I will be going to the authorities. This girl sounds deranged and possibly underage.

209 Show News!

New 209 Show news is here: http://209show.blogspot.com/2010/05/209-show-news-for-5242010.html

Open Letter to My Stalker ...

. . . 

Tony Cliftton Front-Paged on Funny or Die!!!!

Click to enlarge, that's my Tony clip on the lower left there under USER PICKS! The users of Funny or Die are much cooler than on most other video sites. Here's a direct link to the Tony video but BE WARNED-- not only is this video unfit for children, it's unfit for anyone with any decency whatsoever: http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/5b01d63741/tony-clifton-pedophile-jokes

HAPPY SNEVIL DAY!

Today is GREY CAT DAY, the holiest day on the Snevilist calendar. Celebrate with loved ones! The wife and I are celebrating by going to the TOUCH A TRUCK STREET FESTIVAL on 64th Street between Broadway and Central Park West. You're invited!

Lisa Marie

The professional photos aren't back yet, here's a shot from Lisa's laptop. We were inspired and moved by Lynne Margulies' decision to get married in Ireland. Sorry we didn't invite you guys, Lisa and I are so private. Lynne has emailed me her approval, which for us counts practically as much as a blessing.

Babies are so cute

Click to enlarge.

Oh how I hated 1998. Until 1999 started.

Brat Girl

Click to enlarge
I always liked Brat Girl but I never really figured out what to do with her. She's really happy when she's tripping, but cranky most of the rest of the time.

Conspiracy Theorists

Click the pic to read it.

From March 2000

Click to enlarge

Looks like a Lisa Peters trading card! Text that info to that number if you want Lisa to be spokesmodel for Planet Beach in Ireland and get her own spa or something. She looks so TANNED in that photo, probably good for a beach-oriented gig. GOOD LUCK LISA!

A-Rod part 2

Bad blurry shot of the crowd outside watching A-Rod eat lunch inside yesterday. It was a crazy scene, with a live mariachi band and so forth. I only went outside to check it at the end because I had been busy talking to Lisa online. I mean, YES there was a riot outside but I was talking to Lisa!!! One needs to have priorities in life. Anyway, by the time I got the camera to re-focus, A-Rod had been chauffeured away.

He ate there last year and then hit a home run that night. So it was no surprise as I came home last night around 11 that people were streaming out of my building and running screaming toward the restaurant. I knew that A-Rod had hit a home run, haha. I went upstairs and sure enough, the tv was replaying the home run. The TV my roommate had left unattended as he ran downstairs to "The A-Rod restaurant" to celebrate.

New from The Moon!